Toast de Bonaparte

Don't think I've gone soft.  This isn't french toast-- it's Toast de Bonaparte.  As in the Emperor.  As in conquer-the-world-just-don't-go-to-Russia-in-winter, Boneparte.  Napoleon's own.

The reason this isn't french toast is that most french toast is the same as the (wholly incorrect) American stereotype of the French nation:

Soft.

Floppy.

Weak.

This toast, like Napoleon, is none of those things-- and if you make it, you better not be either.  This one is not for the faint of heart.  It's not something you can whip together to feed the masses if they're already hungry.  You'll end up guillotined. The magic is in the technique.

Here's the recipe.  Yes, you need all of it.  No, you can't substitute things... heathen.

The Bread:

You may choose from the following breads:

• 24-hour old french bread.  It can be a baguette, but not the ultra-skinny ones.  Thick cut.
• Fresh, but cooled sourdough.  
• Cinnamon bread. 
• Farmhouse/Cottage white bread.  Thicker cut than normal is best.

Anything else will turn to goo or not taste right.  2-3 slices per person.

The Batter:

• 6 Eggs
• 1/2 cup Whole Milk
• 1-2 cups Half-and-Half
• 1-3 tbsp Cinnamon, ground
• 1/2 tsp Nutmeg, freshly ground (important!)
• 1/2 tsp Cloves, ground
• 1-2 tsp Vanilla

This amount makes roughly enough for 4 people at 2-3 slices each.

The Toppings:

• Pint carton of Heavy Whipping Cream
• 1/3 cup Sugar
• 3/4 tsp Vanilla 
• Optional but recommended:
• 2 cups Fresh strawberries  (1/2 cup per person)
• 1/2 cup Sugar

Method:

The batter is the most important part of french toast.  Most batters make a few decent pieces, before steadily turning the finished product from decadent luxury food into cinnamon, fried egg-white toast.

Cinnamon-y fried egg-white toast is disgusting.

The texture is wrong.  The flavor is wrong.  The smell is wrong.  Even the sound it makes cooking is wrong.  Like early Napoleon looking to the British/Spanish invasion of Tulone in 1793-- we can fix this.

First thing:

Prep your cooking station.  You'll want to work fast when the batter is ready.  325-350 on the griddle, bread slices ready.

Take your eggs.  Separate them.  Put the yolks into a wide, shallow container to hold the batter, save the whites.  Add the half and half and spices.  Beat together with a fork-- you're looking for a pale yellow fluid with lots of spice swirls. 

You will be tempted to start cooking at this point.  It looks like a regular french toast batter.  Don't.

Take the egg whites, and beat them with a whisk or mixer.  Watch them, we're not looking for stiff peaks-- we're looking for a highly bubbly state with a big increase in volume that comes just before stiff peaks.  If you go all the way to stiff peaks, you've crossed the line and your Grand Armee is doomed.  It won't taste right and the batter will be a pain to get mixed properly. Try again.

This part is important: GENTLY fold the almost-stiff-peak'd egg whites into the batter.  Keep as much volume as you can, but mix it until the color is fairly uniform.  

Now you need to work fast.  Those egg whites will deflate, and the more toast you get done before that happens, the better it will taste and the happier everyone will be.

Your technique for the bread is this:

Dip | Dunk | Drop

Meaning-- Dip the bread on the first side for a quick second.  Flip the bread.  Dunk the other side for a not-so-quick second.  Drop immediately onto the griddle.  The side that got dunked goes on the heat first.  You want them covered and pretty well soaked. 

They cook fast.  1-2 minutes per side.  Stack 'em up.  They'll smell like Christmas.

See?  NO FRIED EGG WHITES.

For the toppings, add the sugar and vanilla to the cream, whip it till it's ... whipped cream.  Don't do it by hand unless you hate yourself.  Use the tools.

Put sugar on sliced up strawberries and let them sit for 5 minutes to make them juicy.  Add maple syrup.  Or chocolate.  Or caramel sauce.  Or cinnamon-caramel cooked apples.  Whatever.  Go nuts, you're the Emperor of Europe.

Vive le Toast.