Titillating Turkey II

Cue the smooth jazz, turn down the lights and prepare to treat this classy bird just right.

It's time for:

Titillating Turkey II

First, let's quickly talk turkey.  Turkey is a very lean type of meat-- especially the breast meat.  It needs help to turn out well and especially when roasting-- thoughtful technique to take it from average to amazing.  

Here are the characteristics of the best roasted turkey: 

1. Luxurious, tender, and MOIST breast meat
2. Flavorful, tender, juicy legs and thighs
3. Crispy-skinned, tender and moist wings.
4. The skin should have nice golden color and be delicious.

To achieve these results, this means:

1. The breast needs some fat and spice to add flavor, and needs to cook to no hotter than 160 F
2. The legs and thighs need to keep their moisture to be as juicy as possible, but need to cook to 180 F to be properly tender-- because connective tissue needs to break down.
3. The wings need to also cook to a higher temp then the breast meat, but also need to crisp the skin and NOT burn the wingtips.  
4. The skin needs to have color, but not too much, and not at the expense of cooking so long that the meat dries out.

So, we need to cook the same bird to different temperatures in different places, while keeping moisture, and get that crispy skin without burning the wings.

There are many techniques to achieve this.  Conventional wisdom is to break down the cuts and roast individually, or maybe butterfly the bird by cutting out the spine and laying it flat, but that would ruin our Norman Rockwell presentation.  Not good enough.

Instead, we will address each requirement with a combination of techniques.  

Step 1: Prepare the Turkey

We need moisture throughout, and we need to season the bird for flavor.  This means brining.  To brine your bird, the minimum requirement is cold water and salt, but many recipes call for vinegars, spices, herbs and aromatics.  You can also buy pre-brined turkey.  This is one of the rare occasions where it's really ok to take the shortcut and buy it brined (as long as that means salt and water brine, not something else).  

Here's why: this is a high-effort, showstopping, celebratory dish.  We want to treat it the same way we would treat a nice cut of steak, the meat should be the star of the show.  Simple saltwater brine gets us there better than the addition of flavor add-ons that distract or even overpower the natural taste of the meat.  Just like a quality cut of beef-- the time for the addition of complex, add-on flavors is in a sauce, not in a brine.

Once brined and fully thawed, here's what you'll need to properly prep this bird:

Ingredients:

• The Turkey (obviously)
• 2 Lemons
• 1 Orange
• 2 Sticks of room temperature butter
• The Scarborough Fair Herbs: Parsley, Sage, Rosemary and Thyme
• 4-6 Garlic Cloves
• Paprika
• Kosher Salt
• Cracked Black Pepper
• 2 Tbsps Canola Oil

Method:

The turkey must be completely thawed, but chilled at this point.  Rinse the turkey completely inside and out with COLD water.  Take out all the bits-- giblets, neck, whatever else that came with.  Paper towel pat-dry inside and out, all over.  Set the bird aside to prep the herb butter.

Combine around a tablespoon each of the Scarborough Fair Herbs in with the butter.  Crush/tiny-dice the garlic cloves and add them too.  Mix the butter up, don't let it get too cold, but you don't want any melting either.  

Back to the bird.  Use your fingers to loosen the skin under the breasts.  Work your way as far as you gently can down each side, but don't loosen up the skin down the middle.  You're going to stuff both sides with the herb butter, working a thin, even layer all over the top of the breast meat.  Once that's done, liberally salt and pepper all over the bird, and give the top a light dusting of paprika-- mostly for color.

Now the cavity: halve the lemons and orange, and stuff them in the cavity along with any remaining herb butter.  Rub a light coating of canola all over the top and bottom of the bird. 

DID YOU TUCK YOUR WINGS?

DID YOU PUT YOUR TEMP PROBE IN THE THICKEST PART OF THE BREAST MEAT?

The bird is now ready-- we've added loads of flavor with the brine and herb butter, we've made sure the skin will be crispy with the oil on top and butter below, and we've added moisture and a light, not overpowering flavor with the addition of citrus.

Step 2: Dealing with Temperature and Moisture

We have several problems left to deal with if we're going to achieve roasted perfection.  The breast needs to cook no hotter than 160 F, while the legs, thighs, and wings need to get as close as we can to 180 F to soften up the connective tissue.  We also need to keep the meat moist AND crisp up the skin.

Sounds like a lot-- and it is.  That's why this is Grumpy Cooking and not Happy Easy Fun Food Time.

Step one is to get one of these:

Yes.  Get one.  I know you already have an oven.  I don't care.  Get a countertop roaster with a roasting rack.  Here's why:  

The countertop roaster has a lid, which seals in moisture and self-bastes the turkey.  The heating element is a couple centimeters from the bottom of the turkey when it's on the rack-- which means the thighs, wings, and legs will heat up slightly faster than the breasts.  Just enough to give us 180 F in the dark meat right about the time the light meat hits 160 F if we roast at 400 F.  An oven won't give us these things as reliably as the countertop roaster because temps will be more even throughout the oven (which is usually a plus, but not today).

DONT OPEN THE LID.  DON'T LET ANYONE ELSE DO IT EITHER.  THE TEMP PROBE WILL TELL YOU WHEN IT'S DONE.

(you will probably have to guard the turkey closely if your family has already arrived, it will smell good and if those jerks have no respect for your life choices they won't have any for the bird either)

What's that?  What about the skin, you say?  You're right.  When you hit temp using one of these, the skin is going to look terrible.  Unappetizing, gray-ish and not at all impressive.  

That's why we're not done.

Step 3: The Reverse Sear

Reverse searing is a cooking technique usually used on quality cuts of beef steak.  The idea is, you cook the meat relatively low and slow, then when it's at temperature-- you quickly sear the outside.

We're gonna do the same thing, but with the whole turkey.  Here's how:

When your breast thermometer reads 145-150 F, take the bird out, and transfer it and the roasting rack to a broiler-safe roasting pan.  Have your oven's top broiler set to high and warmed up, and make sure the rack shelf is on the bottom.  Put the bird in to broil on the bottom shelf and stay close.  The skin will crisp up fast, don't let it burn, but some dark-ish spots on the legs or top of the breast will look/taste fantastic. 

If things go as expected, you'll pull it out when the temp probe reads 150-155 F, and the skin will be sizzling.  Cover the bird lightly with foil and let it rest for 30 minutes.  Yes, the full 30 minutes.  No, you can't have any before then.  Yes, I'm serious.  No, I don't care how good it smells.  It's not done cooking yet.  Go make some gravy and schedule some post-holiday psychotherapy.

Once the 30 minutes are up, carve it (if you half-a$$ the carving after all this work you shouldn't be allowed to have any) and serve.