Bribery Brownies

The inaugural Grumpy Cooking recipe.

Need help moving, but too poor for pizza and/or beer?  Did you forget an anniversary, holiday or birthday (again)?  Want people at work to like you without having to talk to them?  Did a child in your life hear you say a naughty word that would get you in trouble if they started parroting it back in front of their grandmother?

You've come to the right place.

Make all of life's little issues an offer they can't refuse with this diabolical chocolate addiction cake.  One bite and they'll be looking the other way like a crooked cop on Bloody Sunday.

Here's what you need, in order of appearance:

• 9x13 Glass Pan
• Large Mixing Bowl 
• 1 Cup Vegetable Oil (what calories?)
• 1/2 Cup Cocoa Powder
• 4 Eggs, Beaten
• 1 Teaspoon Vanilla Extract
• 2 Cups Sugar 
• 1 1/2 Cups Flour
• 1/2 Teaspoon Salt 
• 1/2 Teaspoon Baking Soda

Here's how to get it done:

Preheat your oven to 350 degrees and grease a 9x13 glass pan. 

In your large mixing bowl, dump the vegetable oil and gently stir in the cocoa powder until a uniform mixture is formed.  You're shooting for as few bubbles as possible here, otherwise you'll end up with something that resembles cake rather than brownies with the power to take away free will.  

Once this is done add in the previously beaten eggs (these you should go to town on before you add them-- beat them like you work as a guard at Guantanamo) and vanilla, but don't stir yet. For the sugar-- add in 1/3 of a cup and stir just until combined, repeating until you've added it all.  

Finally, sift the flour, salt, and baking soda together into the bowl and stir gently until combined (avoid bubbles).  Pour into your greased glass pan and pop it in the waiting oven.

Here's the important part.

In 20 minutes your brownies will be exceptionally gooey and delicious while hot.  Let them get cold and they won't be worthy of a lame neighborhood potluck, much less bribery.

Somewhere between 23-27 minutes they will be slightly gooey in the middle but done around the edges.  If you let these brownies cool for 10 minutes the edges will sink a bit and they become perfect.  

At 30 minutes your brownies will be done throughout. They are less amazing by themselves, but travel and reheat very well.  Topped with vanilla ice cream and/or a bit of chocolate sauce they'll have the authorities pre-occupied in no time.